/* This is a random sentence generator. It attempts to create sentences in the style of Karen Elizabeth Gordon, l337 grammatician and author of "The New Well- Tempered Sentence," "Paris Out of Hand," and the classic "Deluxe Transitive Vampire: The Ultimate Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed" http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index=books&field-author=Gordon%2C%20Karen%20Elizabeth/107-3598112-6222913 To execute this script, somewhere between and ... And anyplace you want random sentences to show up... Replace x with number of sentences you'd like. This is a moderately-heavily modified version of somebody else's script. Unfortunately, the name wasn't listed, so I can't credit the poor bastard... http://javascript.internet.com/messages/sentence.html -Cowboy X 6/29/2001 eric@automatictaxistop.com */ RandMultiplier = 0x015a4e35 RandIncrement = 1 var now = new Date() RandSeed = now.getTime() % 0xffffffff FirstSentence = 1 // marks that first sentence has not been made yet; state altered on line 105 FirstAmerica = 1 // marks that the goofy "...america great" sentence has not been used yet; line 69 function qrand(n) { RandSeed = (RandMultiplier * RandSeed + RandIncrement) % 0x7fffffff return (RandSeed >> 16) % n } function DeluxeTransitiveGenerator(sentenceCount) { for (x=1; x<=sentenceCount; x++) { var stemp = GenRandomSentenceTemplate() var s = "" for ( i=0; i 17 ) w = "1 2 1." // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r == 1 ) w = "1 2 1, 3 1 2 1." // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase, Conjuction NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r == 2 ) w = "When 1 4, 1 4." // When NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase, NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase. else if ( r == 3 ) w = "If 1 2 1, then 1 4." // If NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase, then NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase. else if ( r == 4 ) w = "Sometimes 1 4, but 1 always 2 1!" // Sometimes NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase, but NounPhrase always TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r == 5 ) w = "Most people believe that 1 2 1, but they need to remember how 7 1 4." // Most... that NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase, but ... how Adverb NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase else if ( r == 6 ) { if ( FirstAmerica ) { FirstAmerica = 0 w = "1, 1, and 1 are what got 8 into trouble." } else {w = "1 2 1."} // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. } else if ( r == 7 ) w = "1 4, 3 1 2 1." // NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase, Conjuction NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r == 8 ) w = "Now and then, 1 2 1." // Now and then, NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r == 9 ) w = "1 4, and 1 4; however, 1 2 1." // Noun IntransitiveVerbPhrase, and Noun IntransitiveVerbPhrase; however, NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase.. else if ( r == 10 ) { if ( FirstSentence ) {w = "1 2 1."} // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else {w = "Indeed, 1 2 1."} // Indeed, NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. } else if ( r == 11 ) { if ( FirstSentence ) {w = "0 2 1."} // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else {w = "8, although somewhat soothed by 1 and 1, still 2 her from 1, 5 her 1 with 1, and 2 the dark side of her 0."} // } else if ( r == 12 ) { if ( FirstSentence ) {w = "1 2 1."} // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else {w = "He called her 8 (or was it 8?)."} // For example, NounPhrase indicates that NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. } else if ( r == 13 ) w = "Unlike so many 0s who have made their 6 0 abhorrent to us, 0s remain 6." // else if ( r == 14 ) w = "8 and I took 1 (with 1, 1, a few 0s, and 1) to arrive at a state of intimacy where we can 7 5 our 0." // else if ( r == 15 ) w = "1 is 6." // NounPhrase is Adjective. else if ( r == 16 ) w = "8, the friend of 8 and 8, 4 with 1." // When NounPhrase is Adjective, NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. FirstSentence = 0 return (w); } function GenNoun() { w = new Array("menagé à trois","debutante","ballerina","taxidermist","midwife","girl","boy","coward","alchemist","tenor","fetishist","ruffian","onlooker","impresario","somnambulist","starlet","dissident","philosopher","dilettante","maestro","necromancer","bride","cigar","pocket","mirror","bubble","gonad","trombone","marzipan","stalactite","toothpick","shadow","clock","omphalos","snow","cup","swamp","bonbon","piroshki","ribbon","hand","haunch","cream puff","toothache","bubble bath","guardian angel","amour-propre<\/i>","looking glass","tea party","clodhopper","bodice ripper","waif","dahlia","bicep","mastadon","cleavage","gypsy","espadrille","labyrinth","widow","lunatic","curse"); return w[qrand(w.length)] } function GenPreposition() { w = new Array("from","near","about","around","for","toward","over","behind","beyond","related to","defined by","inside","living with") return w[qrand(w.length)] } function GenNounPhrase(depth) { var phraseKind = qrand(3) var s = "" if ( phraseKind == 0 || depth>0 ) {s = GenNoun()} else if ( phraseKind == 1 ) {s = GenAdjective() + " " + GenNoun()} else if ( phraseKind == 2 ) {s = GenNoun() + " " + GenPreposition() + " " + GenNounPhrase(depth+1)} var r = qrand(100) if ( r < 30 ) {s = "the " + s} else if ( r < 35 ) {s = "another " + s} else if ( r < 40 ) {s = "some " + s} else { var c = s.substring(0,1).toLowerCase() if ( (s.substring(0,8) != "Eurasian") && (c=='a' || c=='e' || c=='i' || c=='o' || c=='u') ) {s = "an " + s} else {s = "a " + s} } return s } function GenProperName() { s = new Array("Harpo Marx","Toscanini","Desdemona","Nicolas","Timosha","the Interloper","Mitzi","Jean-Pierre","Jespera","Jacques","Scheherazade","Lila","Kafka","Nimbo"); return s[qrand(s.length)] } function GenAdverb() { s = new Array("amorously","knowingly","slyly","greedily","hesitantly","secretly","carelessly","thoroughly","barely","ridiculously","non-chalantly","hardly","eagerly","feverishly","lazily","inexorably","accurately","accidentally","completely","usually","single-handledly","underhandedly","almost","wisely","ostensibly","somewhat","overwhelmingly","seldom","often"); return s[qrand(s.length)] } function GenAdjective() { w = new Array("polite","self-actualized","strawberry-blonde","halfhearted","nefarious","botched","likeable","sheepish","unruffled","irreconcilable","darling","placid","comely","sprightly","slovenly","friendly","lowly","niggardly","rascally","gingerly","unseemly","saintly","ungodly","lovely","unsightly","surly","womanly","ghastly","wily","wobbly","curmudgeonly","uxorious","rapacious","chic","sublime","rhetorical") if ( qrand(10) > 7 ) { return (GenAdverb() + " " + w[qrand(w.length)]); } else { return w[qrand(w.length)] } } function GenTransitiveVerbPhrase(tense) { sArray = new Array("admonish*","confess*","boogie$","conquer$","bounce$","mourn*","teach*","prefer$","pour$ freezing cold water on","find$ lice on","seek$","host$","ignore$","dance$ with","recognize$","approach*","negotiate$ a prenuptial agreement with","assimilate$","bestow$ great honor upon","derive$ perverse satisfaction from","steal$ pencils from","tr& to seduce","go* deep sea fishing with","find$ subtle faults with","laugh$ and drink$ all night with","befriend$","make$ a truce with","give$ secret financial aid to","brainwash*","trade$ baseball cards with","sell$ " + GenNounPhrase(0) + " to","caricature$","sanitize$","satiate$","organize$","graduate$ from","give$ lectures on morality to","^ a change of heart about","play$ pinochle with","give$ a pink slip to","share$ a shower with","buy$ an expensive gift for","cook$ cheese grits for","take$ a peek at","pee$ on","write$ a love letter to","fall$ in love with","avoid$ contact with",") a big fan of","secretly admire$","borrow$ money from","operate$ a small fruit stand with","throw$ " + GenNounPhrase(0) + " at","bur&","can be kind to","learn$ a hard lesson from","plan$ an escape from " + GenNounPhrase(0),"make$ love to"); vt = "" var i s = sArray[qrand(sArray.length)]; for (i=0; i